Poop Sandwiches

Do you ever post something on Facebook and wish that you could go back and edit it? Oh, wait, you can do that. But, I dont always like to. Sometimes I just let the comments roll in and read them when I can. 

I posted this photo of Liam on the potty and a slew of advice and opinions came in. It was ... weeeeiiird. 

I saw my parents raise 3 children and I can remember when the youngest two, just 19 months apart, were teething and learning to walk and potty training. Here I am, over 20 years later, with one single, spirited, powerhouse toddler and it's clear that parenting is very, very, very hard. 

Here's what you may not know about this picture:

1) My son is intense. Like, very very very intense. 2) He's not scared of the potty. 3) He was SCREAMING because he wanted his "treat" when he hadn't even gone peepee yet. 4) I thought it was entertaining so I took a picture instead of LOSING MY MIND. 5) It's funny. 6) I am not taking potty training too seriously yet but what you may not know is that we are reallllly poor right now and not buying diapers would be really nice. 7) Obviously Liam isn't ready to potty train so I went out and bought more diapers. 8) Parenting is hard. Parenting alone is harder. Miss you, Dan.

Sometimes I get real angry; I am just as intense as Liam is but I am a thirty year old woman who can control her temper. When Liam was a baby I had this vision of him as a toddler, laughing with his friends. Since the move and staying home with him full-time, things were getting intense on the regular. I was invited to have some quiet time at a church I visited and I saw this visions again of Liam laughing. I had an epiphany: Make him laugh. Divine intervention! It works! If it gets too intense I try to make him laugh by making silly faces or telling him I'm going to make him eat a poop sandwich. Not conventional parenting advice, but this works for us. He's a happier boy because of it and I need it just as much as he does.

In conclusion: We're going to be okay. I'm going to potty train him when he's ready. And, regarding how poor we are, a bunch of checks got lost in the mail so we'll be back on our feet soon enough. We dont use credit cards so things were pretty scary for a minute. Thus, my previous post about not worrying.

• How do you treat parenting advice? Do you crave it or hate it?
• When did your child potty train and what method did you use?
• What do you do when your toddler is losing his/her mind? (Tell them you're going to feed them a poop sandwich, right?! No? Just me....?)

Welcome to Our New Home

I once knew a lady who brought candles and a framed family photo to hotel rooms with her. I do not go to such extremes but I am the type of person (Type "A", perhaps?) that is hanging pictures the day we move into a new place. I need a place to feel like home. To feel like home it must be organized and decorated. In our new home in Nashville the organization hasn't exactly come to fruition but the home is decorated and we are ready to party! Today I'm showing you about a third of it because the bedrooms, bathrooms and kitchen aren't fully unpacked or ready to be photographed. In due time.

ENTRY
My papa made this little table for us. It's the perfect size for our record player and modest record collection. The plant is a housewarming gift from my mother-in-law and I love it. It's low-light and barely needs water so it can be in the middle of the room. Lazy Gibson wouldn't move but I think he make the pictures better, dont you think?

FAMILY ROOM

I threw together this gallery wall from things I already had. Expect for Liam's painting on the right. My plan is to cut out the places that Dan and I have lived together (Washington, Alberta, France and Tennessee) and paste them on, paint the whole thing black and take the silhouettes off. But, all in due time. I like that the TV isn't the focal point of the room.

We love our couch. We actually bought it on Amazon! It was a gamble but it was a good one. Since it's a big sectional with an ottoman there's no room for a coffee table or side tables so I created a "table" behind the couch. It's basically just 4 boards screwed together in a square and shoved between the wall and the back of the couch. The top piece is from an old door from the 2nd home we owned in Tacoma. It's a great spot to charge the phones and set down a cup of coffee.

DINING AREA

After signing the lease on this place, we spent way too much time figuring out where the piano/couch/chair/TV would go in the front room. I had an epiphany, thanks to Pinterest and some ideas for small space apartment living. The dining room in this house is tucked back in the corner. It's small and if you put a table in the center you can't very easily access the back deck - which we are very much looking forward to partying on when summer is here! So, we put the dining table in the family room and turned the dining room into an office/music space.

The dining table is pushed up against a wall to accommodate our little family of three and can be pulled out to seat 6, when necessary. The best part about our dining area is that we made our own table! We found this old wooden thing in a field near our favorite downtown Nashville coffee shop, put some legs on it and voila! The chairs are from Target and they will be used for outdoor seating once we're in a more established home but since we're renting for a year why NOT have turquoise folding chairs to spice things up?  

You cant really tell in these photos but I painted the wall behind the dining area to set it apart from the rest of the room. It's "Cheyenne Green" while the rest of the house is your generic almond color.

OFFICE

There's a huge landing at the top of the stairs that was going to be my office if we had used the dining room as a dining room. However, there is still a ton of musical gear we needed to store. So, one corner of the dining room office is a desk computer, printer and the piano while the other corner is just heaps of guitar and drum cases. It's not ideal but it is what it is. 

There's a wide hallway from the family room to the dining room office and I've put Gibson's kennel there as well as a shelf for some of Liam's toys and books. We are looking for a home for Gibson and once he's gone Liam's easel and table can go there, too. 

So, that's our home! I hope I can get the rest of it pretty enough to show-off soon. It's a mess. Trust me. 

Do Not Worry

Dan's coming home! I get so excited, like a kid at Christmas. Sometimes I try to stay up and wait for him. When he's only home for hours you want to take advantage of every second. It is during these few days that I wish I didn't have to sleep. I wish I could sleep 12 hours a night, like Liam, when Dan is gone and then stay up for 48 hours while he's home. 

We're still trying to find our rhythm and figure out how to live on the tiniest budget possible. I've been looking for just the right job and I'm so grateful to have this time and space to do that. I am still trying to get photography gigs but right now I'm just trying to get Liam and I both acclimated to Nashville. I'm trusting in God, going with the flow and knowing that we'll be okay.

Last night a friend of mine complimented my laid-back approach to life. I wasn't always this way. Many years of living with a dreamer have transformed my worry. Many years of seeing God take care of us - a check would come in that we totally forgot we'd be getting, Dan would get a paint job or I'd get a photography gig and the bills always got paid on time. I keep telling myself that I don't need to find peace and comfort in a 9 - 5 job.

My verse that I keep saying whenever the bank account gets low is Matthew 6:25-27: “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

I've Been Crying for 2 Months

I just realized the other day that I'm pretty sure I've cried every day since mid-January. I've been crying for two months, people. In January they were tears of frustration as I battled with the state to get Liam's file ready for his adoption. There were also sad tears about leaving Washington. In February, I cried happy tears. Our son is our son. The adoption was finalized and we started our move and I cried tears of joy and tears of stress as we moved across the country. This new life in Nashville has been a challenge. Dan's tour schedule is grueling. He's on the road 5 - 6 days a week. I cry when I miss him, I cry when he's home and I realize he's leaving again in only 24 hours. I cry at everyone one of the church services I attend. I cry when I get in a fight with Gibson. I was crying when Liam wouldn't nap but I got over that. 

I've just learned not to hold things in. I was hospitalized and put on all kinds of drugs my senior year of high school. It was stress. "I don't feel stressed," I proclaimed. But, I was. I just wasn't letting myself feel anything so my body basically attacked itself. I've been trying to prevent that for the past 12 years and I'm slowly learning that it's best to just let it out. 

Upon waking, I rolled over this morning and saw a book that I had unpacked the night before and felt prompted to read it. It's by Brennan Manning, one of my most favorite authors, theologians and recovering alcoholics. (I'd love to have dinner with him and C.S. Lewis but I'd probably just cry the whole time.) The book is called Abba's Child and he says, in Chapter 1:  I had two options: yield once again to guilt, fear and depression; or rush into the arms of my Heavenly Father - choose to live as a victim of my disease; or choose to trust in Abba's immutable love.

I walked taller today. I made new friends today. I maybe even didn't cry today. I cant remember.

I'm not writing this for your pity. I really don't want to be pitied. Things are getting better and they will continue to get better as I adjust and learn and grow and make more friends. This is the hardest part of the move - and I knew it would be. 

Wedding Photography in Nashville

I was up in Sumner County today, taking photos of beautiful brides as they tour the area's wedding venues. I was at Foxland Harbor Country Club, which is under construction but going to be gorgeous when it's done. Since I'm new to town I'm offering great deals on wedding packages. Contact me for details!

 

Allison of The Rolling Pin makes amazing cakes out of her home in Hendersonville, TN.

"Part of Me"

This move has been so much harder than I imagined - but not in the ways that I had anticipated. My sweet, little, freshly-adopted boy has been acting out in the strangest ways. I'm trying to give him grace, realizing that he's utterly confused after a cross country move, staying home with mama everyday and wondering why daddy and his bandmates keep coming and going. 

I'm starting to feel like I'm not drowning.

Dan was home for a few days less than 48 hours and we made the most of it! The weather was perfect. We at tacos on the porch of Rose Pepper Cantina and walked in the sunshine and filled each other up with as much love and happy words as possible.

Unlike Gibson the English Bulldog, who's had good and bad days, Liam and I have had mostly rough days. There were a few days when he would just RUN AWAY. If a door was opened he'd just take off running no matter how loud I yelled and pleaded with him to stop. My blood pressure was through the freaking roof. The running away has stopped and now it's ear piercing screams. Even when I calmly ask him not to, the shrill, random screaming permeates our house and I can't do a thing but remind myself that he's going through something. Then there were the 6 days that he just didn't nap at all. Thankfully naps commenced when Dan returned but they've been off-and-on since and I've resigned to just leaving him in his room for a solid 2 hours and turning the monitor off.

Tonight, after double and triple checking if I heard him right I can confidently report that Liam looked at me, put his little hand on his heart, and said "You're a part of me, mom".  My heart has officially melted.

Update

THINKING ABOUT

...what I want my life to look like. I wanted this move to give me the space to dream and I have it. I feel as though Nashville is the land of opportunity, where are your wildest dreams can come true. All around me I see happy people who are doing what they love - and most of them are broke. I do not have aspirations to be rich; I just want to be happy. I want to start my business wholeheartedly. I want to spend quality time with Liam. I want to have the freedom to go to one of Dan's shows - which is a very real possibility now that we're only 3 - 8 hours from almost every major city in the United States. Not exaggerating. Google it.

LOOKING FOR

...a way to upload my 100s of photos from the past three weeks. Being that I'm a photographer I need photos to go with my blog posts, right? I dont think I've ever posted anything without a photo. But, we're still unpacking and I cannot find my card reader or wire to upload my photos and I have some wonderful photos of our family (Gibson included) at a nearby park.

LISTENING TO

...Gibson snore constantly. Even when he's awake. I've also been listening to Louis Armstrong radio on Pandora and it's so fun. My life feels like an adorable indie film. I haven't had the chance to get out to see any live music yet but I will on Sunday and I am incredibly excited. 

EATING

...dates filled with almond butter. Just try it.

DRINKING

...not much of anything. I've never given up anything for Lent and I thought...new city, new life, time to try something new! I am fasting from alcohol for Lent. So, no wine ... and also not enough coffee! I am missing coffee shops. We are 6 miles from a good coffee shop. 6 MILES! Nashville has good coffee but the shops are few and far between and I dont have the energy or the gas money to treck into downtown or East Nashville and buy a $4 cappuccino. Side note: I need to start planning meetings at coffee shops. So, my French press and my tap water is about all I've been drinking.

CONTEMPLATING

...about what to do with Gibson. I had a horrible fight with Gibson a week ago that led me to find a family that really wants him. Since our incident he's been very good. I think I scared him just as much as he scared me but I still haven't decided if we should keep him or give him to this other family. Liam is scared of him and our home isn't peaceful. I feel like Gibson is stifling me in a new city where I really shouldn't feel stifled. 

EXCITED FOR

...spring! We've had a few days in the 70s and it feels like a Seattle summer. It's a dream. We're going to get our Vespa up and running and I can't wait to cruise around Nashville on that thing!

That's supposed to be my tough Vespa-riding face.

Popcorn hoarder

New (to me) jogging stroller at Shelby Bottoms Park

At Rose Pepper celebrating Dan's birthday a few days early.

Our living room on a sunny day.

Court

The van was packed, our rental house was empty and filthy. Liam didn't nap. He must have felt my nervous energy. Dan was late. We were late. It was raining. 

Those are what I remember from this day if I didn't have these beautiful photos snapped by our wonderful friend, Rachel. Now I look at these smiling faces. I remember choking back tears as our social workers spoke of how loved our Liam is and our ability to parent him. 

On that day, the law told us that Liam is our son! I don't have to worry about all the foster-parent rules or worry about his birth parents anymore. I get to do whatever I want with him. 

We're settled in Nashville and living a completely new life. I don't want this new life to overshadow the most significant change in our lives: We went to court and became Liam's parents. Forever and ever. 

Beautiful photos by Rachel, andthen-shesnapped.com.

Quirkie Kids Pink T-Shirts

Hey! I want to tell you all about QUIRKIE KIDS! QUIRKIE KIDS is a line of pink tees for girls AND boys with playful designs of things not normally associated with the color pink. They are so cute and appropriate for any gender. Martine, the QK mastermind, believes that ALL kids should be free to wear pink regardless of their gender. Some kids like green. Some kids like blue. And some kids like pink! Liam likes pink! He picked out a pink ball recently and I am totally okay with that. 

Martine is getting close to her goal of $2,500 and has 5 more days(until 3/10/14) for QUIRKIE KIDS to be fully funded!

Here's a quote from Martine:

Clothes shopping for a boy who likes pink is a challenge. Girl clothes are just about your only option, but just because a boy likes pink doesn’t mean that he likes frilly clothes with bows, ribbons, and ruffles. The same is true for girls. Girls who like pink don’t necessarily like kittens, rainbows, and butterflies. There are plenty of girls who like robots, dinosaurs, and aliens. They, too, are out of luck as pink clothes with such designs are hard, if not impossible, to find. And so the idea for QUIRKIE KIDS - pink tees for girls AND boys - was born. The line of tees will have playful designs of things not normally associated with the color pink. I hope that you will join me in support of all the boys out there who like the color pink and all the girls who would like more choices. Let’s show the little ones in our lives that it’s okay to think for themselves.

Please visit their Kickstarter campaign and Facebook pages for more info!

Gibson

I'm sitting in our office - which is actually a dining room (I'll explain that someday when my home is tidy enough to do a blog post about it) - listening to a 50 pound English bulldog snore. Liam is waking up from his nap and I can hear him playing with his stuffed animals through the baby monitor. Dan is on his way home, just a few hours away. Today has been full of happy, peaceful moments - like the one pictured above - that I didn't think was possible just a few days ago.

Our journey to Gibson was complicated. We had been emailing a woman before our move about a bulldog named Junior. We got here and she got sick, then when the day came that we were going to finally meet Junior, she backed out with some story about him bumping into walls and going blind. I would think that was a scam but she never asked us for money. So, there we were, on a Monday night with a little boy upstairs in bed expecting to meet "June" when he woke up. 

Tuesday morning came and I was more heartbroken than Liam was. We set out to find a dog, or at least start the process of finding a dog. The Humane Society was low and most of their dogs were too big or too young. Dan had found a 2 year old bulldog on Craigslist but it kept getting flagged and removed before he could email about it. I told him it was a scam. Craigslist Bulldogs are always a scam. 

Just when we had about given up Dan heard back on the Craigslist bulldog and it seemed legit so we drove down to Franklin, Tennessee in rush hour to meet him. He was great, we bought him, got him groomed, and when we got him home and put Liam to bed....HO-LEE-COW! The dog got CRAY. All 50 pounds of him was lunging at us, mouth gaping open, growling sounds, the whole bit. I was scared. We did our best to manage his energy that night and he slept in our bathroom after barking for 45 minutes straight. 

The next morning, Dan left for a couple days and I was exhausted. I took the worst neighborhood walk of my entire life. To give you a picture: freezing temps, cranky toddler, angry bulldog, crappy stroller, 60 minutes, several breakdowns, lots of tears. We got home and Gibson pounced on Liam. I was officially terrified. I was ready to give him back but Craigslist lady, who had sold him because he wasn't getting along with her FIVE other dogs, refused to take him back. We got a kennel and when Liam went down for a nap I had a change of heart. I decided, thanks to the council of several dog-loving friends, to give him 30 days. I was to teach him commands, show him who's boss, and somehow teach him his place in our pack. I realized that he wasn't being vicious, he was playing. He was playing REALLY rough and I have the bruises to prove it. He was trying to dominate us. So I've had to be VERY firm with him, gain his trust, earn his respect and sometimes I have to just wrestle him to the ground and sit on him for a while. 

He's still not allowed alone with Liam and he's not allowed to roam downstairs if we're upstairs. I'm battered and bruised and I've had some serious battles with him but we've made so much progress! Just 4 days later and I am in love with this dog. And, even though he's been accosted by Gibson multiple times, Liam loves him, too! I'm pretty sure that 30 day trial is null and void.