5 Months + 1 Week

Liam (4 years, 6 months +15 days old) and Ro (5 months + 1 week old) 

We've made it to that date and time where Ronan is the age that Liam was when he came to live with us. Five months and a week old. Where do I even begin with the emotions that I have? I feel joy, anger, horror and disgust. I've been so polite about Liam's first five months with his birth parents but now that I've grown a child inside of me, gone through 27 hours of labor and 8 weeks of painful recovery, nursed him in the wee hours of the morning, rocked him, burped him, helped him push out his gas, cleaned up the meconium poops and multiple blowouts, I cannot imagine doing what they did. I cant give details about what transpired but the truth of the matter is that things have to get really bad for CPS to take a child away. It could have been a lot worse but still Daniel and I have wept thinking about what our son may have seen, thinking about how a helpless little baby cried so much that he stopped crying. So tiny. So alone.

I remember sitting with Ronan when he was about a week old. I caressed every inch of his bare skin and stared at him for what felt like hours, so amazed at what God had created, and then I burst into tears. No one did that for my Liam. He wasn't cherished the way he should have been. But, God, he is now. He is one of the most loved - and loving - boys in the entire world. There are still residual effects from those formative months but I know that with time, love and a whole lot of grace, he will overcome. He's gonna change the world someday.

In fact, he already has.

Liam (February 2012. 5 months + 1 week + 1 day old.)

Liam : 4 and a Half

You're probably used to reading really sweet blog posts about how much I love my children, how I fought for Liam's adoption and how sweet my baby Ro is. This is not one of those posts. 

To everyone who told me they loved 4 year olds : Were you kidding? I know we introduced a new baby right after Liam turned four but the past 6 months have been a struggle. He's still throwing tantrums and we've added in a dash - a BIG OL' DASH - of backtalk. Did you just turn 15 overnight? He knows every button to push. He really is a sweet boy and he's sharpening our parenting skills, that's for sure. When three came and went with tantrums of epic proportions, I longed for four and now here we are again looking forward to five. But, I stop myself. I remind myself : he is sweet, he is spirited and he needs you to be the best version of yourself. 

He is never going to be "easy". He is a powerful dude and my job is not to hide his power, to force him to submit and fit in and be like everyone else. He's a super hero, we just need to teach him to use his powers (energy, passion, emotion) for good, not evil. Even though he favors the bad guys (Darth Vader, the Joker, etc) ...we'll teach him that the good guys always win.

Life Lately

L I F E  L A T E L Y  :

My baby is five months old. I'm gearing up for a busy wedding season, a steady and somehow evenly-spaced year of weddings; I have 1 - 3/ month for the year. So until the weekends of high heels and cocktail dresses, swollen feet and late nights, I'm enjoying days in sweat pants, cuddling my babies in between emails and meetings. I'm ready to be a bit busier. I've had a wonderful 5 months with my sweet baby and I've gotten the hang of having two kids and I spend an awful lot of time with them, emphasis on "lot" not on "awful". (What a terrible phrase, eh?)

W A N T I N G :
When we started this quest towards doing what we love (by spending less and saving more) I stopped buying clothes. I have done Stitch Fix a few times and purchased new shoes but my wardrobe is mostly 5 - 7 years old. In other words, pre-Dan's music career. When Dan and I were both working we were rolling around in piles of dirty cash (not really) but that's when I had the income to go shopping all the time. Therefore, my clothes are seriously outdated and I am inadvertently wearing a capsule wardrobe. I want some new clothes but I dont even know where to begin. Part of me wants to buy some trendy crap at Forever 21 but I know that's not a good idea. Time to save up for some woman clothes.

G O I N G :
My brother and his wife moved to Denver after Christmas and we're going to visit them this month! Dan loves Denver. I've only been to the airport. What should we do? Where should we eat? I cant wait!

R E A D I N G :
Gosh. Nothing. I've been mothering and working so much that I dont even have time to watch TV, let alone READ! Someone send me a book. A book that wont put me to sleep when I crack it open at 8pm.

P L A Y I N G :
Fiona Apple has been on my mind and I'm dying to dig into some of her older stuff but what I've been listening to The 1975. I'm not sure if I'm in love with their new album. Yet.

P R O U D  O F :
Ronan is hitting his milestones like a champ. The kid tried to roll over a few weeks ago and he did! First try. I'm so proud of him but also a little sad when I think about how hard Liam had to work (hourrrsss of occupational therapy) to hit those first year milestones. Speaking of Liam, I'm proud of his creativity. He took all the photos on this post! He's becoming quite the little photographer. It's awesome.