Wednesday, March 16, 2016

5 Months + 1 Week

Liam (4 years, 6 months +15 days old) and Ro (5 months + 1 week old) 
We've made it to that date and time where Ronan is the age that Liam was when he came to live with us. Five months and a week old. Where do I even begin with the emotions that I have? I feel joy, anger, horror and disgust. I've been so polite about Liam's first five months with his birth parents but now that I've grown a child inside of me, gone through 27 hours of labor and 8 weeks of painful recovery, nursed him in the wee hours of the morning, rocked him, burped him, helped him push out his gas, cleaned up the meconium poops and multiple blowouts, I cannot imagine doing what they did. I cant give details about what transpired but the truth of the matter is that things have to get really bad for CPS to take a child away. It could have been a lot worse but still Daniel and I have wept thinking about what our son may have seen, thinking about how a helpless little baby cried so much that he stopped crying. So tiny. So alone.

I remember sitting with Ronan when he was about a week old. I caressed every inch of his bare skin and stared at him for what felt like hours, so amazed at what God had created, and then I burst into tears. No one did that for my Liam. He wasn't cherished the way he should have been. But, God, he is now. He is one of the most loved - and loving - boys in the entire world. There are still residual effects from those formative months but I know that with time, love and a whole lot of grace, he will overcome. He's gonna change the world someday.

In fact, he already has.

Liam (February 2012. 5 months + 1 week + 1 day old.)

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