When Dan is on the road it's just Liam and me. I put a lot of time into Liam. Most of my life and my time is all about him. I think that's just how motherhood is sometimes. We are in a season with lots of change, transition, uncertainty. I'm pouring into him as much as I can. We share "I love yous" and hugs all day long. We both miss daddy while he's away so I'm trying to be mom and dad and our days are long and grueling. Liam doesn't understand how many hours are in a day or how many days are in a week. I'm not sure he understands when I tell him that Daddy is coming home "tomorrow" or that we'll see him next week. Right now, I am the only constant in his life and he's clinging to me for dear life.
We have our moments, good and bad. Our screaming matches, time outs, counting to 5 over and over again until he finally does what I ask him to do. And my favorite moments of late when he runs at me, full speed, hugs my leg and says, "Mama, I love you! Sooo much!"
It is life changing to see and to feel and to know that MY SON loves me.
Being his mother is an adventure. Fostering to adopt a child is the wildest thing I've ever done. It wasn't all magic the day I got him, it wasn't easy being up with him in the night, it wasn't comfortable when birth parents interfered, it wasn't perfect when we finalized his adoption and I'm far from a great stay-at-home-mom. But God is strong where I am weak. Somehow through my shortcomings, short temper and general inadequacies I've got a pretty great kid.
I can only imagine how challenging it is to raise Liam with Dan's schedule. Loved the honesty of your post, your little guy is growing up so quickly!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jes! As he gets closer to three I think it's going to get a bit easier. I know there are new challenges at every age, just.... maybe I wont want to pull my hair out so much! ;)
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