A while back I was rambling on and on about the baby. We were in the car, Dan was driving and Liam was in the backseat. I was telling Dan how excited I was to see what Baby Brother looked like, what our collective genes would produce. I was sharing that I hope he turns out just like Dan was as a baby: fat and happy. I think he'll be smart and funny, maybe a little shy. He'll have Dan's guitar skills and my mediocre sportiness. He will definitely have terrible teeth. We need to save for braces.
Dan wasn't chiming in and I could feel some tension. I knew this conversation was making him uncomfortable and I knew exactly why. We are going to be the parents of an adopted child and a biological child. I asked Dan if he was holding back because he felt guilty. He was. But I felt it, too.
We've got this amazing adoption story. Liam came to us at 5 months old, a tiny, unknown, scrawny little peanut. We were told he was a "long term placement" but we had no idea if we'd have him for a week, a year, 2 years. We loved him with all our hearts but he wasn't truly, legally, officially ours until we signed papers 2 years after we first met him. While we did meet and interact with Liam's biological parents on several occasions, we really dont know a lot about them. I know that his mom likes basketball and will eat just about anything - two things Liam shares with her. Pretty much all we know about his father is that he likes video games. Liam hasn't shown interest in video games yet - ask me again when he's 13. I know that he looks 100% like his mother and nothing like his dad. I dont know where his curly hair came from. I do know that he's funny. I know that he has a hard time learning new things. He is a fast runner. I know that he will remember just about every person he meets. He will tell people he loves them, sometimes minutes after he's met them. He would rather play with an old hanger, a dried up glow stick and a handful of rubber bands than the most expensive, awesome toy he owns. He's full of joy and passion and so much love.
Giving birth to a child will be very different from adopting, obviously. I want to celebrate both boys uniqueness and both their stories. So, I'm not going to hold back my awe when Baby Brother has Dan's eyes or my lips. I'm going to tell both boys how freaking incredible it was meeting him for the first time - even though both stories will be very, very different. I wont compare the two.
Both boys are a miracle. Both boys will be wholly ours, fully "Reads". The Read brothers. I cant wait.