A BLOG BY LINDSY READ

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

Blogs are strange glimpses into a life because we, as readers, see only what the writer allows us to see.  I look through posts of gorgeous women wearing cute, vintage dresses, decorating their pretty houses, making delicious, organic food to feed to their hot husband and beautiful children.  Okay, not ALL blogs are like that but each seems to have an element of:  "look at how awesome I am!".  Even when the writers are being real and write about the pain of losing a child or that their bank account was overdrawn, you're still not getting the full picture.  That gorgeous girl who just blogged about her new vintage tea set and a trip to the beach might be the loneliest girl in the world.  I don't like being so cynical, but I've found this to be true.

I don't want all of my thoughts to be public.  I dont want you to know how I truly feel about things because I am ashamed of the thoughts that run through my head all day.  Thoughts of how I'm not good enough, thoughts of anger, jealousy, just plain ugliness.  These aren't things that should be written about in a public forum, obviously.  No one wants to read that.  I want to be 'me' on this blog and in real-life - in the safest and most entertaining way possible.  So, without further ado, here are all some of the things I'm afraid to tell you.



1)  I am a control freak.  I would love to be in charge of everything and everyone.  I cant even begin to explain all the ways that my need for control has nearly ruined my life, but, it has.  I have to let this go everyday.

2)  Even though I love a tidy house, I cannot, FOR THE LIFE OF ME, put my clean clothes away.  I just cant/wont/dont do it.  After we got BB, a basket of clean clothes sat on my bedroom floor for over 4 weeks.  The only reason I put it away was because Dan's parents were coming to visit.  Dan organizes my closet and puts my clothes away 90% of the time.  Bless his heart.


3)  Baby Bread is an easy-going baby but I'm still learning about him.  And, contrary to what my photographs tell you, he doesn't always smile and he's not always happy.  In fact, he's becoming quite the independent little man.  For instance, he doesn't like bottles anymore so he pushes them away, spraying formula all over my clothes and my suddenly, disgustingly-long hair and I do NOT like this.  I really wish he and I could communicate.  Anyway, the kid is amazing but he isn't always sweet and I feel like I should come clean about that.

4)  When I was in high school, a group of girls totally misjudged me.  They made false accusations about my character that were so far off base.  I knew the things they said about me were wrong but it still hurt to be so misunderstood.  Ever since then, I've hid myself from women.  I'm much more comfortable talking to guys because, it seems, they don't judge as much.

5)  Pregnancy makes me uncomfortable.  I don't like talking about birth (C-section? Dilating? Mucus plug?!?!?  OH MY!).  The morning sickness and stretch marks I can certainly do without.  I dont even like thinking about it.  Dont get me wrong, I think pregnant women are beautiful!  But if I never get pregnant I am pretty sure I'll be okay about that.

6)  I am realizing how much of a hippie I am.  Dan and I both are.  We dont shower often (probably all the time we spent in Europe).  We usually eat vegetarian/vegan.  We dont use plastic water bottles or harsh chemicals.  We only have one car and we drive as little as possible. Our trash can is the smallest size available.  We recycle EVERYTHING.  I honestly cant believe it when people don't recycle but I would never say anything to them about it.

Walking the streets of Grenoble, France.  Probably unshowered. 

So, there are 6 things I could think of.  It's a little scary to put this out there.  I'm not expecting anything in return.  Just that you, whether you blog or not, would be inspired to be more real.

Love, Lindsy

21 comments:

  1. Oh man, you're so funny! That list is seriously so normal! I have never-ending GOBS of laundry everywhere and I have never stayed on top of it. Pregnancy is DISGUSTING (I've been through two...it's nasty), girls are way too judgy and I generally don't like most of them, and all babies are difficult no matter how "easy" the mom says they are. We just post the smiley pictures because we want to capture that 2% of the day.

    Way to be brave, but I think you're slightly overestimating the horror of your confessions! Thanks for reminding me it's okay to be human.

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    1. Bah!!! Thanks, Audrey. You are awesome.

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  2. I like that people actually call him Bread in real life. I don't think I've ever heard anybody call him by his real name....

    Also, I think you're pretty great. Perhaps I will see you soon!

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    1. I have literally never called him Bread or Baby Bread in real life. But, that's funny. I think you're great, too! Come and see me anytime!!!

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    2. Courtney calls him Bread. I think that is where I hear it the most.

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    3. Courtney is a silly goose!!! :)

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  3. I love this!!
    I think #5 is my favorite. I get so squeamish when people even talk about birth and I can barely even watch movies where there is anything related to childbirth! It's nice to hear someone else who would be fine not actually birthing children. haha

    I love your blog, Lindsy! It's one of my favorites...mainly because I feel that you do try to depict the whole picture of your daily life rather than just the "pretty moments" like so many other blogs! (Which get really disheartening to read all the time!)

    Love,
    Megan

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    1. haha...Megan, you're so sweet. And wait til your friends start having babies. You will hear more than you'd ever like to hear (especially at baby showers!) and you have to at least feign interest.

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  4. control freak with a very moody baby who hates being pregnant right here. you're not alone!

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  5. for the record, i hate talking about pregnancy too (even though i'm in the midst of it). people who love being pregnant...i don't get it. I never knew you didn't like putting away your laundry--i think its awesome that dan does it...i do it for andy...he hates it too. Love you lindsy...and i'm glad we're friends.

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    1. I know. And I put BB's laundry away, all neat and tidy, all the time. Just not mine. What's wrong with me?

      I LOVE YOU, RUTHY!!!!!!!!!!

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  6. This was so fantastic. I am a little hippy too...I hate showering! And the whole foster child thing, that is so brave and wonderful of you guys. Are you afraid that he will be taken from you one day because of bureautic red tape?

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    1. Yes, that's always a possibility. But, it's worth it to give this kiddo a safe, loving home.

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  7. Lol! I am a control freak too...which doesn't mix well with recycling. I go through the bathroom garbage and pull out the toilet paper cores and irish spring boxes. I even put a separate container in the bathroom for the hubs but when it's full he starts putting them in the garbage. This is why I don't have a child yet ;)

    I have to shower every day! I have super fine hair and I look homeless if I don't. Even though I hear not showering so often is better for you.

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  8. This is my favorite blog post of yours. I think when women are honest we stop feeling inadequate and are less judgmental. I find myself comparing myself to other women and mom’s all the time (even you), because……well I don’t know why……… It is not healthy and I need to stop. I have also found that in being honest I am not the only one who thinks crazy things and at times cries for no reason. Knowing you are not alone in your feeling and experience is really comforting.

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  9. great post, Linds! I think you're fabulous.

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  10. Beautiful. Love your transparency and your blog in general. Thanks for sharing!

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Thank you so much for commenting! I love feedback and I read every comment and would love to respond to you! If you want to be notified of a response, click that little "notify me" box! xo, Lindsy

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